Most of us are aware of the gas pedal: the feelings of being aroused and desiring sex, but the brake pedal may be less obvious. It could just feel like not being interested in sex, or being not into sex in that moment, or blaming ourselves because our body isn’t responding the way we think it should. How easily our body presses the gas or brake varies wildly across different people. Understanding your own levels of excitation (gas) and inhibition (brake) and what activates each one can improve your sex life.

I am a sex educator and sex researcher. I talk about, write about, and think about sex pretty much all of the time. Since I was about 14 years old, I wanted to know everything about sex. In fact, at the age of 15 I thought I did know everything about sex. 

As a teen I read the Savage Love column every week! I listened to a sex call-in show on the radio night after night. I read Cosmo every month! I certainly knew a whole lot of facts, and had heard a whole lot of stories. I thought that was the same as knowing all about sex.

Of course, I didn’t know how much I didn’t know….