Blog
Musings on sexuality, sex education, and all things related.
Why Do We Have Sex, Anyway?
Do you have an easy answer to the question of why you have sex? Does it depend on the day? For some people this question might be really straightforward, but research shows that people have sex for a wide variety of reasons.
In fact, researchers Cindy Meston and David Buss surveyed thousands of people to come up with 237 different reasons why people might have sex! Here are just a few…
Does Everyone Have Herpes?
Sex educators often repeat the statement that “most people have herpes”. They say this, in part, in an attempt to reduce the massive stigma that surrounds genital herpes. However, while many people have various strains of herpes, most people do not have genital herpes. Because the statement is a bit misleading, it can result in more confusion and fear because of the stigma that exists around genital herpes.
What Makes for Great Sex? The Answer May Surprise You!
If you try to have better sex by focusing on superficial things like the way you look, the way your partner looks, or technical skills, you are missing the main components that make for great sex. Similarly, if you try to improve your sex lives with pills or other temporary measures without talking deeply about the sex you want to be having, the chances of getting to great sex are slim. Great sex over the long term requires hard work, vulnerability, and a willingness to go deep with our partners.
Most teachers don’t get proper training to deliver sex education
In Canada, and likely elsewhere, most teachers delivering sex education in schools have little-to-no training. While this does happen in other areas, (e.g. when a teacher friend of mine was assigned to teach French 8 after not taking a French class since high school), it is particularly problematic for sex education. Poorly done sex education can harm people for decades to come. Or in my case, they can result in a drive to make it better!
Do only 25% of women have orgasms from intercourse? We don’t really know.
I like to promote the idea that most people with vaginas do not have orgasms from PVI because of my general annoyance at the cultural obsession with penises as being the MOST IMPORTANT part of heterosexual sex. PVI doesn’t really stimulate the external parts of the clitoris, so it makes sense to me that most people with clitorises didn’t orgasm from PVI.
Why is it so hard to talk about sex?
There are a lot of things that get in the way of talking about sex. For starters, we live in a pretty sex-negative culture. Yes, compared to the past, we are more sexually free. Yes, sex is everywhere: on billboards, TV, movies, magazines, porn sites, and all over the internet, really! But it is SO RARE to see actual conversations about sex. We don’t learn it in sex education and parents rarely think to talk to kids about how to communicate about good sex.
How to be nonjudgmental when talking about sex
We all have preferences when it comes to sex. There are things that turn us on and there are also things that we might find gross, appalling, or repulsive. We all pass judgment on other people’s behaviour, whether we intend to or not. Judging is just having an opinion about something. It’s part of being human. And, let’s be honest, it’s sometimes very satisfying to judge others.